June 17, 2018
I'm getting a 30-pack of Busch Light, and I'm watching Phil Mickelson in the final round of the U.S. Open. Why? Because lefty needs our support that's why. The level of sports snobbery reached a fever pitch on Saturday after Mickelson hit his moving ball on the 13th green.
Golf snobs are a lot like beer snobs. Go to any bar that serves craft beer and you will find them. Order a Busch Light, Natural Light, or any other beer that slightly resembles water and you will start to feel the stares of people looking at you like you are steerage, a third class citizen, an uneducated fool.
Snobs think they are smarter than you. Snobs believe they are better than you.
I watched Phil do what he did and I thought, man he's just like me! Hey Phil! Do you want to come over and drink Busch Light and play a game of bags in the backyard?
Ian O'Connor from ESPN and Rick Reilly of The Athletic are snobs. Both write about the game. Both think they know what is best for the game. Both are gifted writers. Both called for Phil to DQ himself out of respect for the game. That's like asking a bar patron who's drinking Busch Light to leave out of respect for the barrel aged, twice fermented, homegrown organic hops double IPA that maybe one out ten people will drink. After all, THAT is the way beer should be brewed.
Snobs see the world one way. Their way. Snobs have devoted the time necessary to become an expert. A snob will give you an opinion before you even ask for one.
Busch Light drinkers watched Phil run after his ball (it was picking up speed like it was ready to take flight on a runway) and watched him hit it while it was still moving.
First thought was, "shit, did he do that?"
Second thought was, "that is fucking awesome!"
Third thought was, "I do that all the time."But nobody cares when the Busch Light drinker does it because they are playing in denim on a 9-hole public course with a small bass pond as a water hazard and a make-shift sandbox with toys in it serves as a bunker while still driving a gas powered three-wheeler golf cart.
Snobs say this is the U.S. Open! Here more than anywhere else you MUST respect the game and its rules. After all, this is golf, a snobs game that polices itself. So, not only was the 2-stroke penalty for violation of rule 14-5 enough, the five-time Major Champion should have been DQ'd based on rule 1-2.
Busch Light drinkers aren't giving Mickelson a mulligan. They look at this as a face mask in football, an intentional foul in basketball, or boarding in hockey. Pay the price and move on.Snobs want blood. They want purity. They want utopia. There is no room for calculated error in their world of perfection. It's their game, and even though they really can't play it at the highest level, it is up to them to be judge and jury of what right and wrong and who can play and who can't play.
Phil Mickelson has man boobs, and I like him. I can relate to him, and I think that's the case with most hacks who have struggled with a game that tests not only our mental toughness but our tempers.Phil will not win the U.S. Open (the one major that has eluded him). He tees off at 7:43 A.M. which is a perfect time for the Busch Light drinker to crack one open. A snob believes you can't drink before noon, especially on Sunday.
I'm not that big of a snob to think that everyone likes beer, or Busch Light. So if you stop over to watch the final round in the garage with me, you will find some Boone's Farm on ice.